Finding a yes

Today our four year old ate ice cream for breakfast. This is not a regular occurrence but through the lens of parenting in a new way I was able to say yes to something that in the past would have been an automatic NO. I have been observing a lot recently and noticing we are finding a way to say yes more and more.

In the case of the ice cream, it is not something I usually have at home at all. But he requested it last week and then forgot about it. When he asked me this morning the voices in my head were saying, “No way! Ice cream is not for breakfast!” But then the awareness muscle I have been working on reminded me, the time of day actually doesn’t make a difference, do I want to start the day with a battle of wills, and if he eats it now it will be gone and it won’t be an option on another day. So I supported him as he tried to find it in the freezer, reminded him to get a stool so he could get it on his own and then sat next to him and enjoyed my morning mug of hot water whilst he ate some ice cream. It was a small individual pot and he didn’t even finish it, there were too many other things to interest him that he didn’t stay put for long. 

So while I don’t think it provided a great nutritional start to the day (but I can make up for that later) it did provide a connection between us, respect for him and his ideas and I think it had an impact on how the rest of our day flowed, it is only mid morning as I type this but it has been wonderful.

Another example of this was a few weeks ago. He and Mr T had ordered some mini figures from BrickLink and he had been waiting for them for awhile. Some days hearing they were not here evoked some big (angry) feelings. On this particular day he asked Mr T when he woke up when they would arrive. We had tracked them and they were in the shipping facility about 15 minutes from our house. “Lets go!” said Little T. It was seven am, Mr T was lying in bed and the office didn’t open for another hour but Mr T said, YES. This yes changed the trajectory of our day. I was lucky to lie in bed for a few more hours. They visited a new part of town. Had a drink in a local tea house and found one of our favorite eateries, SARAVANA BHAVAN that we didn’t know was so close to us. They had quality time together eating idly and dosa, and discussed that it was possible they wouldn’t get the mini figures when the office opened, as they could have already been loaded on the truck. Additionally Little T is not always the friendliest to new people and throughout this morning everyone had a hello/please/thank you or high five, and I think it was truly because of the connection that was made between him and his dad. 

The story ends happily and they were able to take the package from the facility. He held tightly to it in the car all the way home as he didn’t want to lose any precious pieces. Another beautiful day followed based on that simple yes.

This type of parenting isn’t always easy, and the yes can be hard to find or to do when your own inner child is shouting at you from the inside that this is not they way it was for them. But it can be the way forward. It is the way for us.

One thought on “Finding a yes

  1. It is called: “Good Parenting”. I remember a Sunday after the service and being on the patio with coffee and talking to friends when the sons of one woman asked if they could go to the neighboring 7 11 and she reminded them that she had told them earlier that they would not be allowed to go to the 7 11″…now I looked at Doreen and could see she was enjoying talking with friends and I said (as only as an older parent can): “Doreen you can change your mind and that at the same time teaches your sons that a person can change his mind if they chose” Yes the boys got to go to 7 11 and Mom got to enjoy her visit with the members of our church.

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